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| Debate of the Week ~ Couple Compatability | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 9 2007, 11:08 PM (1,042 Views) | |
| Julesy | Nov 9 2007, 11:08 PM Post #1 |
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deliciously domestic
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Hmm I dont rightly know how to start this.. Ok, do you think in a relationship (for the long haul) compatiblity is best on almost every level? do you think if you arent compatible that you are then giving too much of yourself trying compensate? should you even bother? I think my relationship has lasted this long is because we are very compatible. We have similar tastes from everything from food to music and movies. We were also raised pretty much the same. Same religion, heritage(no we arent related..ew) upbringing and about the same age. Most might find it boring but I think in the long run, its best to find someone of your ilk |
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| Denovissimus | Nov 9 2007, 11:18 PM Post #2 |
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Immortal Heretic
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Your last line definitely made it a debate. Miguel and I are polar opposites! The only common thing is we both like cock and mexican food! And partying....though not as frequent as him. I don't think compatibility has to equate to commonality, or of the same "ilk". I think too much of the same can indeed get boring, because there is no challenges to really test and strengthen the relationship. A relationship has to go deeper than the same tastes in music or hobbies or food or what have you. I think common denominators like that can ultimately be a detriment to a person, because they are not thinking independently enough, the sameness can be too much of a bind. I'm saying this from my own perspective. Everyone is different, and has different wants and needs. I think the compatibility of opposites, though very very challenging because of numerous clashes and endless attempts, failures, and successes at compromise, really really is stripped down to the core of what love is and should be. In its raw, bleeding, and painful form. Because then, you can realize that it isn't what the material world of the flesh has to offer, its what the pure and boundless spirit has to offer. Hmmm....I really took this in a direction I didn't intend, even I'm scratching my head at what I just posted! |
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| Julesy | Nov 9 2007, 11:26 PM Post #3 |
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deliciously domestic
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lol! It may seem to the person outside of the relationship to be "Boring" but its not! I think it strengthens the relationship more so because you can bond over your sameness rather than fighting over your differences. That seems like a waste of time for me. |
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| Denovissimus | Nov 9 2007, 11:40 PM Post #4 |
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Immortal Heretic
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But then, you are doing the same things together all the time! But I do realize that there are couple out there who like it that way! I'm not that one. I've thought about it though, I've thought to myself "I wish I could have a man who likes some of the same things I do, so we can go to the movies together, or concerts together" and then this appears in my mind: With a big ass stop sign in its hand!I would get bored. I really think I would. All my life I have grown and gathered strength from challenge. My whole life has been fraught with challenge. I would not be who I am without them. I prayed (or rather bitched and moaned) to be in a relationship because I was tired of being single, and that old saying be careful what you wish for? Damn does it turn out to be true! Now I sometimes wish I was single again! But you know, I love Miguel because he has opened up parts of life to me that I otherwise would not have explored. I have learned things from him, because I am the learning type. But the thing that frustrates me is that he's not the learning type, he's the living type. That's why he can be so carefree, he's well known for the smile on his face and the laughter which can fill a room. Not me. I'm too busy observing...anal-lyzing...learning. But I can put that on hold and have a good time, believe me. |
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| Julesy | Nov 9 2007, 11:48 PM Post #5 |
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deliciously domestic
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but its nice to be able to go to concerts and do things we both like! granted I do stuff I dont want to just to please him and make him happy as he does with me(sticking around when Im shitfaced with my co workers singing karoake) We are very similiar in our personalities too. We can just give eachother a look and we know what the other is thinking without having to say anything. I think thats cool. Im the kinda person who craves stability and consistancy. I dont want anything I cant handle or try to tame. No thanks. |
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| la anaconda de chocolatee | Nov 10 2007, 03:46 AM Post #6 |
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Skittle Skank
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Miguel and I are polar opposites! The only common thing is we both like cock and mexican food! And partying....though not as frequent as him. HE parties more than you? Jeez! he must be drunk 24/7 then!
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| la anaconda de chocolatee | Nov 10 2007, 04:06 AM Post #7 |
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Skittle Skank
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I am like jesse, I seem to always be attracted to men who are very different than me. Not that we never have the same interests, sometimes a few of the same interests but also a few of differing interests and tastes. But in general, more differences than commonalities and ALWAYS there is some type of huge challenge. I will give you the examples of my history: Hasan:(dated him when I was 20) turkish, 7 years older than me. Was an illegal immigrant, had been trying to get his green card for years with no luck. He was very much turkish and not much americanized. He wanted to ultimately marry a turkish woman, but in particular wanted a stay at home wife. Absolutely did not want a wife who worked even part time. He was a heavy smoker (though he now no longer smokes) Outcome: had agreed to marry him to help him get his green card but ultimately he broke up with me because he didnt want me to waste my life marrying him for that reason when he knew I was in love with him and he was so dead set on ultimately marrying a turkish housewife. Darwin: (started dating when I was 23) ecuadorian. Challenges: we worked together, he was an illegal as well. Cultural differences, clashes. At least Hasan had a work visa, darwin didnt even have that (and still doesnt). When we were just living together we got along pretty well for the most part, but it seemed like as soon as we got married, suddenly he expected me to act like an ecuadorian wife. he loved playing sports several days a week. I didnt. I prefered to hang out on the computer. He loved to drink with his friends, I was not much of a drinker. Outcome: divorce. The main reason the divorce happened was because of Cedric but also it seemed like the cultural differences were really just causing problems and also I was trying to help him get his green card but the uncertainty of how long it would take was putting a strain as well and it was fucking taking so long. I wasnt sure if he was gonna end up having to go back to ecuador for like 3 years. I knew we wouldnt survive if it were gonna be any longer than a year. Cedric: (started dating at age 26 when I was already married) black, 10 years older than me. We worked together, I was already married. He was married but seperated from his wife at that time. He lived 2 hours away from me, and he worked 2 full time jobs. The challenges were always there and never left. In fact, the longer the relationship went on the more challenges came about. him moving his wife and kids back up from Florida back into his house, me and my ex roomate's Laureen's problems because of him, him not telling me that he had a son when he was 19 until after we had been dating for 2 years. And on and on and on. Oh yeah, and lets not forget all his other girlfriends. But despite these challenges, I felt that we were compatible in a lot of ways. We had very similar tastes in music, movies and books. We had a lot of really interesting, in depth conversations. Mostly similar political and social views. We used to have friendly intellectual debates all the time just like we all do here. Because of these things, I think that is why it was so devastating for me that he had to be such a fucking prick in all the other aspects. Because I wanted it so badly to work out because I felt in many ways despite everything that I was more compatible with him than any other man I dated. Take away all the obstacles and bullshit and we were at least 70% compatible I would say. Graham: black, 5 years younger than me. father of 2 kids with an ex wife. Some similar challenges as Cedric as far as kids and ex wives go. It is funny because when I first met Graham, I felt like we were a lot alike and had a lot in common. But after dating him for a month, I realized that we had nothing in common, except that we were both introverts, born in march, and liked to date people of the opposite skin color. Other than those 3 trite things, we had absolultely nothing in common. Completely different tastes in every fucking thing. Different personalites, different ways of dealing with life. There is just no way that it would have worked out. We were just TOO different. Which was a shame, because I did love him and we had great physical chemistry together. so to answer your question jules, I honestly dont know. I have never really been with a man whom I was AS alike and compatible with as you and your man are. If I had been, I could have more of an opinion. All I know is that my pattern is to fall for men who are very different from me and who come to me with a lot of challenges and baggage and I seem to be drawn to that, and it seems to never work out. So hopefully I am at the point now where I can stop being drawn to that! |
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| Julesy | Nov 10 2007, 04:15 AM Post #8 |
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deliciously domestic
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I DONT DIG THE UNFAMILAR! LMAO!!!!!!!! We just went to dinner, I ordered, he ordered......different dishes yet we both shared! I like familiarity! Feels close to home. I know people get off on others differentness...but what happens when its permanent? |
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| Jane | Nov 10 2007, 02:01 PM Post #9 |
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Board Bitch!
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I wasn't sure what I was going to post here, and this is going to sound really lame. The answer is somewhere in the middle. You want some things in common but it's great if you have different interests too. If people are too different it's going to be hard to make it work, if one always wants to go out and the other like to stay home I suppose you'd have to compromise but that can cause friction. On the other hand if there's something you love and your partner doesn't, go out and do it with your friends!!! Spending time with other people is important too and makes for a well rounded person. I'll come back to this topic! |
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| la anaconda de chocolatee | Nov 10 2007, 03:26 PM Post #10 |
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Skittle Skank
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I agree with you jane! Though you do see those couples who are exactly alike and they are the happiest couples you see usually. They do everything together and that is how they like it! |
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| Julesy | Nov 10 2007, 04:54 PM Post #11 |
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deliciously domestic
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We dont do EVERYTHING together. Just most things we both like. He has his football (which I hate) and I have my taste in movies and books which I will go with someone else or alone. We arent exactly attached at the hip Its just nice not to hassle and argue alot over dumb stuff. |
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| la anaconda de chocolatee | Nov 10 2007, 04:57 PM Post #12 |
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Skittle Skank
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there ya go jules, you guys arent completely the same, maybe those few differences is what makes it work so well |
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| Julesy | Nov 10 2007, 04:58 PM Post #13 |
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deliciously domestic
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maybe. but like when hes watching football I will just sit on the couch next to him and tune the fuck out with a book. I dont think hes finished a book since LOTR which was back in like 2004? its more my thing |
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| la anaconda de chocolatee | Nov 10 2007, 05:01 PM Post #14 |
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Skittle Skank
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have the cardinals won any games this year? not like I can talk, the eagles are in last place in the eastern division. |
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| Julesy | Nov 10 2007, 05:04 PM Post #15 |
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deliciously domestic
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lol! yeah at least one that I know of. They came home all happy and brave acting as if they themselves were the ones who scored the winning goal or whatever. when the Cards lose......they come back all sad and depressed.
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| la anaconda de chocolatee | Nov 10 2007, 05:17 PM Post #16 |
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Skittle Skank
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I know how that feels. It is very sad and depressing when the eagles loose. Especially when they loose two or more games in a row. |
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| Julesy | Nov 10 2007, 06:39 PM Post #17 |
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deliciously domestic
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like right now for instance. hes watching an old De La Hoya boxing match from 2000 and Im online here and getting ready to shop. hes doin his thing and Im doin mine |
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| Jane | Nov 10 2007, 06:56 PM Post #18 |
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Board Bitch!
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Maybe you have the balance right Jules, you love doing lots together but sometimes do your own thing. I think we're like that too! |
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| Julesy | Nov 10 2007, 06:58 PM Post #19 |
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deliciously domestic
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| Taman | Nov 10 2007, 07:41 PM Post #20 |
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The Darksider
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It's all the same for me. I can't make it work with either the opposite or alike. I fight too much with the opposites and those like me annoy the hell out of me. So I guess I'll continue alone.
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